One of the reasons I started this blog was at the advice of my son and husband due to the upcoming wedding of my son. Well I am on the countdown and it’s only 15 days away. I am now feeling the pressure which is a little different since I haven’t been that involved.
Well, let’s just say that has been hard since I spent 7 years as a wedding an event planner. Now, I agree that was from 1995 to 2002 and well, that makes me sound like an outdated wedding and event planner, but let’s just say… a wedding is a wedding.
Sure, I’ve done part my part in the world wide web of social media! I have liked and now LOVED my share of photos and left plenty of well-meaning comments, thrown around an array of emojis and shared my fill of inspirational quotes. I have been connected, to say the least. But, sadly, I haven’t experienced much life hanging out with my girlfriends this year; and it’s left me feeling a little lonely and frustrated. I noticed that I have backed off from Facebook a bit, along with the other social media sites as well.
In a world overloaded with tweets, texts, and selfies we keep our heads down, eyes glued to our phones, afraid if we don’t, we’ll miss out; when all the while (ironically) we’re missing out on the very world around us. I mean, people don’t actually go out to dinner and just have a good one on one conversation anymore, do they? My husband and I used to laugh, as I am sure you did, that when we were able to get out to dinner by ourselves, we spent the night talking about our children. Now, we both will pick up our phones and talk about what’s on social media.
Whether we like to admit it or not, social media, overall has taken a toll on our relationships—particularly our friendships. That’s not to say that social media is pure evil, it’s just that Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and the like have forever reshaped the way we relate to one another. Gradually, it seems social media has altered the parameters of friendship, and frankly, it’s sad. In looking back over the past year, 8 years that I have been on Facebook, I’ve discovered six areas where social media is wreaking havoc on our friendships.
It Creates a False Sense of Intimacy
Social media makes us feel like we know people better than we really do. True, we are caught up in their lives, well, the portion they want you to see. So, let’s
get one thing straight: Liking someone’s photos on Instagram does not make a friendship genuine relationships take time and communication—preferably face-to-face.
Lasting friendships are built on far more than a Facebook history. They’re forged in the fire of life’s peaks and valleys. They’re held together by more undocumented memories than documented ones, and these are known as the sincere moments. The intimate moments shared between friends.
It’s only in our mess, in our brokenness, when we can become fully known. The friends who know us best are those who have seen us at our worst — and loved us any way.
While social media may help us keep up with friends—especially those who live far away it can’t replace personal communication and shared experience. You can only intimately get to know someone through spending time with them in person, not solely online.
I mean, really? Are you? Do you feel like you are?
Well, I bet you don’t. I bet not one mother, or wife, reading this right now feels like they are doing enough to keep their PERFECT home! I bet you don’t even feel like you are doing well enough to keep your “imperfect” home at this point!
GUILT!
Guilt is such a nasty word and it comes from everywhere. My mom can make me feel guilty no matter what age I am. I use this tactic with my own kids, and sometimes don’t realize it. But, sometimes, we bring on our own guilt. Our own guilt comes from our own feelings that we are just aren’t enough. We are constantly looking at other women and comparing ourselves to them; the way they dress, their matching belts to their bags, they’re constantly switching purses to match their outfits, their awesome shoes, and let’s not forget that their nails are ALWAYS done. The list is never ending. It’s a constant struggle for us just to keep up, and, therefore, we feel guilt for not being what we feel we should be.
It’s us always trying to keep up, not only keep up with the Joneses while living next-door, but also keeping up with the Joneses in the workplace, or the mothers that don’t work and you are still working hard every day in an office for someone else. Or vice versa. Maybe you are jealous that some of these women have been able to come out into the workforce after being at home for years and have a career now.
Comparison is everywhere, it’s in our daily lives, in every moment, and that is where our guilt comes from. We need to give our own self “Grace”.
Just as we give others grace we need to be able to accept Grace and know that we try and do the best that we can and sometimes we mess up. The truth is we’re all doing the best we can at this thing called motherhood and womanhood. It’s a journey and it takes lots of learning. We are just imperfect women trying to live a perfect life in our home, our family, our work, friends, neighbors, well, let’s just say, with everyone around us.
Here is what one of my favorite speakers has to say about us putting ourselves second, third, behind the scenes cause we feel like we have to do EVERYTHING, and then sacrifice.
We need to give ourselves permission to be imperfect tonight, to be five places at one time, to not be “all that” but allow ourselves to be perfectly imperfect and know that we are doing the absolute best that we can.
How can we improve? What is our motivation to want to improve?? Our children. Yes, them, once again!
The most powerful way to teach your children how to enjoy life is to let them see you enjoy yours and then they can do the same. Well, my quick answer is that, “I am doomed there, and so are they”! But now, I do have a NEW goal to work towards. Really aiming to live my life intentionally each day instead of “reacting” to life’s issues. I do hope that I can make these changes and that my husband and my kids will see the difference. If I feel better about myself and MAKE the time to do so, it will show! I will get RID of the guilt and take care of me!!
Let’s stand together and support one another and stop the MOM/WIFE guilt. We need to constantly fuel ourselves to keep us happy! It’s ok! Give yourself permission!
Loving you and ALL that together we CAN accomplish when we just let go of the guilt! Feel the love for yourselves! !
am doomed there, and so are they”! But now, I do have a NEW goal to work towards. Really aiming to live my life intentionally each day instead of “reacting” to life’s issues. I do hope that I can make these changes and that my husband and my kids will see the difference. If I feel better about myself and MAKE the time to do so, it will show! I will get RID of the guilt and take care of me!!
